So, I awoke this morning (or I suppose it was more like, this afternoon) and had a text from my co-blogger, the lovely Shoo Shoo, informing me that she has made the first post to our blog that we’ve been trying to start since September! I knew it was just what I needed to get my a$$ in gear and do the same.
I had many thoughts throughout the day on what I could blog about. My recent trip to California, the annual Christmas party I held at my house last night, the pressure I put on myself to attend everything and my realization that no one else puts attending my shindigs on the top of their list, the mountain of debt that I am in, my fear of returning to college, my insane landlord that I’d rather strangle than ever have to talk to again...the topics were endless but I really wanted to try to write something that was somewhat upbeat and/or funny, as my dear Shoo Shoo insists that I am but I knew I was not at all feeling funny OR upbeat today. So, I decided to scan other blogs to find some inspiration and do you know what I found? Oh about 200+ blogs about moms, their awesome husbands and their children. Let me quickly say that I do not hate children. Almost ALL of my friends have one, two or three kids and I am “Aunt Jenny” 100 times over and I do love it, and I love them but this particular subject gets under my skin from time to time. When I run into friends I may not have talked to in a month or two, the friends that clearly don’t know me very well, always seem to start the conversation with – “So, are you seeing anyone?” to which I instantly reply “No! Why on earth would I be doing that?” I then also get annoyed and am reminded that they clearly don’t really know me very well even though one of the repeat offenders is supposedly one of my “best” friends. I could really go on for hours about my thoughts and feelings on this subject but I will do my best to summarize. My overall feeling on this topic is that generally, the people that seem to think a relationship with a boy is what makes life worth living, are the ones who constantly bug me about my dating – or lack thereof. I have no interest in dating at this time. Been there, done that. It always ends in heartache and I have realized that I am not going to have a successful relationship with a boy until I can fix myself. During this journey of “fixing myself” that I started over three years ago now, I’ve found that I’m actually quite happy just being me--single, free ME! The only reason I see, at this point, to want to be with someone would be to have children and when looking back on the past three to five years and all of the traveling, concerts, movies and girl time that I’ve had, I realize that not only is a relationship not really for me, motherhood probably isn’t either. I think, like any other girl, I used to have that image of being married and having a family as my future because that’s just what you are supposed to do, but I think that has all faded away for this single chick. SO, does that mean that my life is meaningless? Boring? Empty? To this I answer – HELL NO!!! Just the opposite. I can fill my life with so much happiness and adventure that most people probably can’t even wrap their heads around - and I wonder if people don’t have children just to try to fill some void that they feel? And I know I’m probably totally off base and pissing people off left and right but seriously – what is the big damn deal? Everyone that gets pregnant seems to act like they are the only person in the world to give birth to a child. Don’t get me wrong, childbirth is beautiful and it is a miracle but to all of those bloggers whose blogs I’ve scanned through I wonder, if you took the child and husband out of your life, would you have anything to write about? And if the answer is no, that just makes me very sad for YOU. So, yeah, think about that. Please stop feeling sad for me or for your other single, childless girlfriends. I know I don’t need a boy or a baby to bring me happiness and make my life complete and I’m sure they don’t either. In that realization, I feel that I have more than most people could ever dream of having. Hey, one day my life might take an unexpected, albeit DRASTIC turn and the boy and the baby may just happen (although the thought of it seems to instantly give me an overwhelming suffocating feeling) and if it does, I suppose I will then be doubly blessed. But please, stop feeling pity for me or for the token single girls in your life. I get to come and go as I please, go wherever and whenever I want and I don’t feel there is anything worth giving up that freedom for. Again, I love children, and I give you all credit for having them and raising them cuz I often wonder if I would ever even have the patience that it takes to raise a child, but it’s NOT what ultimately makes everyone’s world go round. I love pictures and I’ve had a great time looking at all the super cute pictures you, my fellow bloggers, have taken and posted. The cute little stories of the funny things that junior has said and done honestly crack me up, they really do. Heck, I’ve even decided to follow one of the blogs because I found it so appealing and the pictures were so amazing. It entertained me and captured my attention. I mean I even sat here and tried to make myself WANT that life because it seemed so beautiful and funny but it didn’t work. I can appreciate your lives and your children and how happy you are but all I’m asking is that you can switch that around and do the same for us, the single girls who are living life to the fullest. So again, just to reiterate, I am not at all hating on you or your blogs, but simply asking that you open up and realize that our lives are equally as beautiful and full of love. We just choose to live them differently. So I’m single, and I’m not a mother but it doesn’t mean my life is empty or loveless. Just the opposite! I had a whole day at home today and it felt like HEAVEN. I have so many commitments and obligations that it sometimes seems as if I’m constantly running seven days a week for months on end. My life is anything but boring. I have five cats and they are adorable and funny and full of love and that is all I need. I can also leave a dish of food on the floor and take off for a girl’s night out and not have to worry about them. It’s a wonderful life people!
So before you start your next conversation with a friend you might not have seen in a while with “So, are you dating anyone?” maybe take a minute to stop and think first, that person might not require a significant other and/or baby to bring happiness and fulfillment to her life. To each his own and this single girl is ecstatic to crawl into bed tonight and have the WHOLE thing to myself. Ahhhh…..it’s the simple things in life that I truly do cherish! ;-)
The Little Cat That Could
5 weeks ago